For Whom the Cookie Crumbles

One of the questions people ask me most often is when to use whom instead of who. It seems that most people know that they should use whom, but don’t know when or why. First, the good news. I’m happy to report that in most informal situations, it is perfectly acceptable to use who instead of whom. And it is certainly more acceptable to use who, than to use whom incorrectly. So let’s not let that happen.

The rule is actually quite simple. You see, who is a subject, (like he or she) and it does something.


"Who ate the cookie?" "She ate the cookie."

Whom is an object, (like him or her) and has something done to it.

"You gave the cookie to whom?" "You gave the cookie to him."

OK? So to see if you should use who or whom, just substitute whom with him/her or he/she. If you would use him, use whom. If you would use he, use who. Another way to remember is to ask yourself, “Who is doing what to whom?” (Who is doing the action. Whom is receiving the action.)

But whom is a tricky word. Because it has become used less frequently in recent years, you run the risk of sounding stuffy or pretentious if you use it in certain situations.

“For whom did you bake those cookies?”
“I will share my cookies with whomever I choose.”

Although both of the above sentences are correct, we rarely speak that way. So to keep your writing conversational and informal; use whom correctly, yet sparingly.

Write on!